marvelous light.

Do you ever have those times when you can tell that your life is about to change radically but you don't know how? That's me. I remember at the beginning of the year thinking that this year the Lord wanted to do something dramatic in my life. Let me tell you... He never fails. These last 12+ months have included some pretty crazy stuff.

Through all of this craziness I feel like I have lost a sense of myself. I have always known and trusted that my God had everything in control but despite that I let each new trial knock me down a little bit. Looking back it is so frustrating to see that I allowed that because I know that is not and has never been what the Lord has in mind for me. He has gone ahead of me to prepare situations and opportunities designed specifically with me in mind. He has given me gifts to be used and shared but over the last year or so I have pushed those things aside and instead allowed myself to feel useless and unworthy. But that is not me! That is not who I was created to be!

1 Peter 2:9-10 says, "But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation. His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy."

The Lord has obviously brought me through all of this stuff for a reason. He has given me personal experience with some crazy things. He has blessed me with amazing people to encourage and walk along side me. He has given me things to be passionate about and has placed desires in my heart. He has done all of these things so that I "may proclaim the praises of him who called [me] out of darkness into His marvelous light." So now I'm moving on towards another season of life. One of finding confidence and redefining my identity in Christ. Only a close and honest walk with my Savior can give that confidence and identity; not success or failures. So anways... here's to the hope of the future!

home.

"The word refuge may be translated "mansion," or "abiding-place," which gives the thought that God is our abode, our home. There is a fullness and sweetness in the metaphor, for dear to our hearts is our home, although it be the humblest cottage, or the scantiest garret; and dearer far is our blessed God, in whom we live, and move, and have our being. It is at home that we feel safe: we shut the world out and swell in quiet security. So when we are with our God we "fear no evil." He is our shelter and retreat, our abiding refuge. At home, we take our rest; it is there we find repose after the fatigue and toil of the day. And so our hearts find rest in God, when, wearied with life's conflict, we turn to Him, and our soul dwells at ease. At home, also, we let our hearts loose; we are not afraid of being misunderstood, nor of our words being misconstrued. So when we are with God we can commune freely with Him, laying open all our hidden desires; for if the "secret of the LORD is with them that fear Him," the secrets of them that fear Him ought to be, and must be, with their LORD. Home, too, is the place of our truest and purest happiness; and it is in God that our hearts find their deepest delight. We have joy in Him which far surpasses all other joy. It is also for home that we work and labor. The thought of it gives strength to bear the daily burden, and quickens the fingers to perform the task; and in this sense we may also say that God is our home. Love to Him strengthens us. We think of Him in the person of His dear Son; and a glimpse of the suffering face of the Redeemer constrains us to labor in His cause. We feel that we must work, for we have brethren yet to be saved, and we have our Father's heart to make glad by bringing home His wandering sons; we would fill with holy mirth the sacred family among whom we dwell. Happy are those who have thus the God of Jacob for their refuge!"

- - C.H. Spurgeon

seasons change.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

it's funny how God works sometimes, isn't it? how often we can sit back staring at our lives wondering how any of it makes sense and asking where our circumstances are headed. the last month or so has been one of those changing seasons for me. in the last month i have gone through a breakup, found out a family member has stage four cancer, and losing friends to new places and even the death of a friend. i'd say that makes for one of those "what the heck are you doing, God..." moments. 

yes, it's only been a month or so of all that but God has already taught me so much about who He is and where i am going with Him through this thing called life. i am reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan for the second time and it is so full of amazing reminders of how powerful and eternal and holy the Holy Spirit is. not only is this so, but the Holy Spirit has been given to us on Jesus' dime! even Jesus says that it is better for Him to leave to allow the Spirit to come to us (John 16:7) in the first chapter, Chan talks about a caterpillar. he says, "for all its caterpillar life, it crawls around a small patch of dirt and up and down a few plants. then one day it takes a nap. a long nap. and then, what in the world must go through its head when it wakes up to discover it can fly? what does it think when it sees its tiny new body and gorgeous wings?" i know it's a pretty cheesy analogy but go with it for a sec. Chan goes on to say that if we, as believers, were to look at the Spirit endwelling in us as a caterpillar looks at and uses its wings, our lives would be incredibly different.

i want to be different tomorrow than i am today because the Spirit is changing me and directing my steps. i will pray big prayers because i know i have an even bigger God. as Chan writes, "i don't want to keep crawling when i have the ability to fly." it is a new year and i am so excited to see what God makes out of my present circumstances because i have high expectations that He will be doing something huge!

What do you hope to see from God this new season?