marvelous light.

Do you ever have those times when you can tell that your life is about to change radically but you don't know how? That's me. I remember at the beginning of the year thinking that this year the Lord wanted to do something dramatic in my life. Let me tell you... He never fails. These last 12+ months have included some pretty crazy stuff.

Through all of this craziness I feel like I have lost a sense of myself. I have always known and trusted that my God had everything in control but despite that I let each new trial knock me down a little bit. Looking back it is so frustrating to see that I allowed that because I know that is not and has never been what the Lord has in mind for me. He has gone ahead of me to prepare situations and opportunities designed specifically with me in mind. He has given me gifts to be used and shared but over the last year or so I have pushed those things aside and instead allowed myself to feel useless and unworthy. But that is not me! That is not who I was created to be!

1 Peter 2:9-10 says, "But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation. His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy."

The Lord has obviously brought me through all of this stuff for a reason. He has given me personal experience with some crazy things. He has blessed me with amazing people to encourage and walk along side me. He has given me things to be passionate about and has placed desires in my heart. He has done all of these things so that I "may proclaim the praises of him who called [me] out of darkness into His marvelous light." So now I'm moving on towards another season of life. One of finding confidence and redefining my identity in Christ. Only a close and honest walk with my Savior can give that confidence and identity; not success or failures. So anways... here's to the hope of the future!

home.

"The word refuge may be translated "mansion," or "abiding-place," which gives the thought that God is our abode, our home. There is a fullness and sweetness in the metaphor, for dear to our hearts is our home, although it be the humblest cottage, or the scantiest garret; and dearer far is our blessed God, in whom we live, and move, and have our being. It is at home that we feel safe: we shut the world out and swell in quiet security. So when we are with our God we "fear no evil." He is our shelter and retreat, our abiding refuge. At home, we take our rest; it is there we find repose after the fatigue and toil of the day. And so our hearts find rest in God, when, wearied with life's conflict, we turn to Him, and our soul dwells at ease. At home, also, we let our hearts loose; we are not afraid of being misunderstood, nor of our words being misconstrued. So when we are with God we can commune freely with Him, laying open all our hidden desires; for if the "secret of the LORD is with them that fear Him," the secrets of them that fear Him ought to be, and must be, with their LORD. Home, too, is the place of our truest and purest happiness; and it is in God that our hearts find their deepest delight. We have joy in Him which far surpasses all other joy. It is also for home that we work and labor. The thought of it gives strength to bear the daily burden, and quickens the fingers to perform the task; and in this sense we may also say that God is our home. Love to Him strengthens us. We think of Him in the person of His dear Son; and a glimpse of the suffering face of the Redeemer constrains us to labor in His cause. We feel that we must work, for we have brethren yet to be saved, and we have our Father's heart to make glad by bringing home His wandering sons; we would fill with holy mirth the sacred family among whom we dwell. Happy are those who have thus the God of Jacob for their refuge!"

- - C.H. Spurgeon

seasons change.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

it's funny how God works sometimes, isn't it? how often we can sit back staring at our lives wondering how any of it makes sense and asking where our circumstances are headed. the last month or so has been one of those changing seasons for me. in the last month i have gone through a breakup, found out a family member has stage four cancer, and losing friends to new places and even the death of a friend. i'd say that makes for one of those "what the heck are you doing, God..." moments. 

yes, it's only been a month or so of all that but God has already taught me so much about who He is and where i am going with Him through this thing called life. i am reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan for the second time and it is so full of amazing reminders of how powerful and eternal and holy the Holy Spirit is. not only is this so, but the Holy Spirit has been given to us on Jesus' dime! even Jesus says that it is better for Him to leave to allow the Spirit to come to us (John 16:7) in the first chapter, Chan talks about a caterpillar. he says, "for all its caterpillar life, it crawls around a small patch of dirt and up and down a few plants. then one day it takes a nap. a long nap. and then, what in the world must go through its head when it wakes up to discover it can fly? what does it think when it sees its tiny new body and gorgeous wings?" i know it's a pretty cheesy analogy but go with it for a sec. Chan goes on to say that if we, as believers, were to look at the Spirit endwelling in us as a caterpillar looks at and uses its wings, our lives would be incredibly different.

i want to be different tomorrow than i am today because the Spirit is changing me and directing my steps. i will pray big prayers because i know i have an even bigger God. as Chan writes, "i don't want to keep crawling when i have the ability to fly." it is a new year and i am so excited to see what God makes out of my present circumstances because i have high expectations that He will be doing something huge!

What do you hope to see from God this new season?

be still my soul.

i am finally back in Portland after a semester at bible college in maui. it was such a crazy semester! it's amazing the ways God works and teaches and molds us into the person he desires us to be. sometimes we don't get it until we take a step back and reflect on everything. as the time came closer to come home, i was getting more and more excited. however, the things i came home to i could have never even imagined. my entire world has been turned upside down and i am left standing in confusion praying that God has all of this under control.

my prayer over the last semester has been that i would learn how to live in God's peace versus drifting in and out of it. how do you do this and what does it look like when things are good? how about when its bad?

"I am coming to realize that the act of dwelling there, really living in the Shelter of the Most High, is a daily decision. No, It's more like an hourly decision, a moment by moment awareness of the Father."

Diane Comer

http://www.hespeaksinthesilence.com/

there are so many things out there competing for our attention whether it is Christmas shopping, ugly Christmas sweater parties, facebook, relationships, and the list goes on! we make daily decisions of where we will spend our time and essentially where we search for peace. these things will always fail us. you probably won't have the ugliest Christmas sweater, somebody won't like their gift you gave them, you aren't going to have a new notification every time you log into facebook, friends will make you mad and break ups happen. none of these things are bad! but they won't fulfill us or bring us peace either. even as Christians we can so easily fall into searching for satisfaction in these things without even realizing it. 

where are you searching for peace? in things of the moment or in things of eternal value?

"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."

Psalm 32:7

"So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong."

Hebrews 12:12-13

a thankful heart.

Sometimes, well almost always it seems, I forget to look at all the good I have in my life. I mean, human nature is to be selfish which causes my blindness to God's blessings, glory and power. He chose me and provides me with more than I need and what do I do with it? Complain. It's not warm enough, their service was too slow, they were mean to me, I'm sure the list could go on forever. As I am sitting here, I began to look over old notes from church. A couple things I wrote stuck out to me.

Referring to Revelation 3:18 I wrote, "Christ will show you true riches and you will understand how to live in His presence." How much of that can I say is true in my own life? When I reflect on the blessings and wonders of the One who saved me, I see greatness, love, mercy, etc. But when I don't purposefully take the time to do that and something great happens, what are my thoughts? Usually nothing, just a "Hey that's cool!" and then I move on. Surely this is not what God is looking for by blessing His people. After all, He is a selfish God who created us to glorify Him in all we do. Instead my response is no or little response. How selfish and foolish am I to not even recognize my Savior when, even though I live in a broken world, all I need to do is glance around me to see His blessings and glory! If I can't even muster up a simple "thank you" in the midst of all this, who am I to even try to preach God's love and grace?! Don't get me wrong, my Momma raised me to be thankful for things but I am talking about a deeper kind of thankfulness.

In another set of sermon notes I came across was talking about being content with what He has given me. No more of always wanting more. I am becoming more of a woman every day, it seems I should know God will always provide more that I could ever need. It is so easy to get caught up in the moment and lose sight of what I'm living for. I'm not living only for the promise of Heaven but for fulfilling His perfect plan for my life. It is so important to recognize that where God has me right now is exactly where I need to be because He is preparing me for what is to come. I need to strive to make myself usable. I need to fall in love with Him all over again.  

What are you thankful for today?

open hands.

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me - everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you."
                                                                                                 Philippians 4:6-8

I am going to be honest. I am very good at worrying about everything. I have always been one of those annoying "what-if" people. Hearing the first line of these verses, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything," sometimes drives me crazy. Don't people know that is so much harder said than done?!

And then I wonder why I only drift in and out of God's peace, not dwell in it permanently.

I am also very good at telling God all of my needs (at least what I think my needs are). I pray and pour my heart out to God and sing songs about surrendering everything to Him but then an hour later, the same thoughts and worries consume my mind.

I think so often as Christians we hear verses like this and tune out because we have heard them so often. In doing so, we miss out on such big things! For example:

1. God wants to know our needs.

     - - God desires the kind of relationship with us that we can cry out to Him when we are in need or struggling.

2. God deserves our thanks.

     - - Remember all that He has done for us already and give thanks! Are you breathing? He loves you so much he gave you that breath! If He can give life, what is stopping Him from providing everything else in life for you?

3. God gives peace.

     - - We all know how much better it feels to finally talk it out with someone. Just imagine what it would be like to talk it out with the Creator who already knows you better than you know yourself!

4. God wants us to continue to live in Christ.

     - - Giving things over to God isn't a one-time deal so continually and purposely recognize what things you are still holding on to.

5. God wants us to focus our thoughts on His desires.

     - - Something I struggle with after trying to give something over to the Lord is that I continue to think about it. Because of this, nothing really changes. I have gone through the motions but my focus doesn't always change; if it does, it's only for a little bit.

6. God wants us to practice it.

     - - This means that it's probably not going to be the easiest thing to do. I will still try to and successfully take things back into my own hands and look at the world through my eyes and not Gods. But that doesn't mean to give up. It takes practice.

God has been teaching me so much through different situations in my life. He is showing me what it's like to hold on to things with open hands so that He may still have control of my life. And let me tell you... sometimes it's hard, sometimes it hurts, and sometimes I might not understand. But in the end, it is all for His glory.

What are some things God is asking you to give up?

Blessings,
Stephanie

beautiful things.

Just what I needed to hear today.

Beautiful Things - Gungor